Second Day of Classes

Today I had German in the morning (more of the same....my friend Gretchen and her friend David transferred to our class today from Elementary II......it's a fun group, but we're such a huge class! almost 17 students now.....) Anyway after German everyone rushed to the three practice rooms, ruining my hopes of practicing there (keep in mind I had to sing Du bist die Ruh tonight....and by this morning I had only practiced for about 45 minutes.....) so I went home, made lunch (tuna sandwich again.....I finally found relish, so it's a lot better!) and went back to the center to check my e-mail and take care of other business......there's still so much to do....I still have to call Michelle Friedmann, the woman with whom I'll be studying (voice) here....I have to talk to Frau Schachermeier (sp???), the German professor who is an organist to see if I can hook up with a church to practice or maybe even a teacher! Anyway, (sorry for the sidetrack) at 11:45 I went to "The Classical Symphony" which may turn out to be my favorite class! I'm warming up to Dr. Solvik more and more, and I really enjoyed the discussion we had in class today. In any case, it sounds like all my classes are going to be a lot fun. After class I ran to the practice rooms, but once again they were all taken....so I took the U-bahn down to the practice rooms on Schönbrunnerstrasse.....basically there's an apartment building there (in which a few IES students live) and on the top floor/attic thing there are a bunch of practice rooms. It's really nice, and during the day there's usually not that many people there. When I got there at about 1:50 no one was there, and I stayed until about 2:30, after which I returned to the center to report to the library at 3:00 for my 1.5 hour shift.....so I was there until 5:00 "working" (it's about as much work as at Oxy, but it's fun 'cause I get to meet a bunch of people and I get a good excuse to ask for their name without feeling stupid......I even had a 10 minute conversation with Kate completely in German, which is always fun......I think I'm at the verge of taking another step forward.....anyway); at 5:30 I went to room 10 (the recital room) for the three-hour Vocal Performance Workshop. It's as much time as any other class, but a 3-hour chunk just felt really huge......anyway I was really really nervous because I know that I'm the most inferior vocalist in the workshop as far as technique (and most other vocal things) go, and I didn't really know my piece that well, so I immediately raised my hand to go first. I sang the piece all right.....I really love singing with a good accompanist....it always makes me feel good, even if I screw up a lot....the only things I really screwed up were my breaths, so even at the faster tempo that she took I ran out of breath a lot in the middle of already awkward phrases.....na ja. (oh well) After I sang Russell turned around and asked everyone who was familiar with the piece (most people raised their hands) and asked how many people understood the text, etc......then he turned back to me and said (sarcastically? I certainly didn't think so...) "Well, you've picked one of the easiest pieces in the repertoire!" I was sort of taken aback......you have to understand Russell is the nicest, sweetest man I think I've ever met.....he's so positive and affirming (and usually very indirect, but incisive, in his criticism) that I was surprised to head this, which sounded a bit like a sort of negative comment......I had no idea what to make of it at the time, but my face went instantly bright pink and stayed that way for the 5 minutes that he coached me. After I was done I felt better about it, but the whole thing was embarrassing. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but the environment seems very very unsupportive to me......I feel like a little kid who wants to play with the older kids and pretends well enough to do something to be marginally accepted.....this of course creates a self-feeding loop, because without confidence, I project an attitude of inferiority and any technique that I have tends to fly out the window....whatever. Eventually I'll find my niche, and perhaps with the help of my teacher, I'll continue improving. Anyway, everybody else sang (except 4 people, since they ran out of time) and they were all very very good, just as in the auditions. There's a lot of real divas in the group, and it comes across in a very interesting way in their performances. It's interesting to me that the two most talented women are also two of nicest and most genuine people in the workshop.....in the Institute, even. It was also interesting to hear what people want to do....many of them are preparing for recitals when they get back, so there was a lot of talk about wanting to learn more about different repertoire (or "rep" as some call it....) and different genres. It should be an interesting semester....also one of the violinists (of course I've forgotten her name) was sitting in because apparently she's going to get some sort of conducting opportunity......after I thought I had made it clear that that was what I was interested in......I'll have to be more forward, I suppose. I was talking to her about it.....she's really nice, and she sounds very very knowledgeable.....if nothing else I can learn from her. I honestly wasn't expecting to conduct here, and indeed I'm not sure I need the extra work, but part of me really wants to now, maybe just because the opportunity has already been given to someone else. (not in a competitive way, but now I know that it's possible....) Anyway after the long, long workshop I took the U-bahn back home, made a huge dinner of pasta for myself, bipped in and out of my roommates watching In & Out in the living room (having seen it so many times, I know all the audio cues for the really funny parts, so I only went in for those! ^_^)

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.....the re-entry into an academic environment, albeit one less rigorous than Oxy, is adding to the bearable amount of stress I had about being here in general: worries of financial, social, intellectual, physical, and spiritual natures; the result has turned out to be to much for me.......the kingdom of this semester is become the kingdom of my fears (sorry for the nerdy and not-well-thought-out Messiah reference......) I was thinking if it was worth it to do the performance workshop, for instance, because it's going to cause so much extra work and stress for me.....in the end I decided the experience and the ability to take lessons made it worthwhile, but I'm still sort of waffling. All my other classes seem like they're going to be fun....especially Music History since I've essentially already taken it......I like the staff here, for the most parts (I don't want to be too specific....this is the internet, after all......) and my friends here are great. Tomorrow I have a lot of clerical stuff to take care of, as well as class and closing shift at the library......yay for tomorrow and for today finally being over! It seemed so long......

P.S. My roommate Nick is still reading my copy of Errol Flynn's autobiography that I lent him......I'm always glad to share the joy of Errol, and it's hilarious to hear him talk about it........