And now, an actual blog
All right, so here's an actual blog.
I'm scared. Scared to death. There are so many unknowns and I don't know how to handle them all. I'm just so used to having a modicum of control, or at least being able to pretend that I do. Now as I watch all my stuff (my life, really) being packed away into those increasingly heavy suitcases, the sense of foreboding and anxiety increases. As exciting and thrilling as I know the experience will be, this phase of the journey is pretty hard. I've been close to tears all day. I listened to the Minkowski recording of "Since By Man Came Death" from the Messiah on my way to Kelsey's and I just started bawling. It was awful and, in retrospect, a bit maudlin. It's Margaret I weep for, right?
All my clothes are packed, at least the ones that survived the cut. Choosing the books was hard, since I know that they'll provide me with much-needed comfort and I wanted to bring way more than I had room for. (especially since I'm trying to leave room for stuff I'll bring back...) Even if I don't read them, nothing beats a familiar book on my shelf to let me know I'm at home. Of course I have all my DVDs, and all my music is on my iPod, and my laptop is full of fanciful diversions, but hopefully I will not coop myself up with things that are reassuring and familiar. This will be the time to take some risks.... not physical, mind you, but cultural and spiritual. I have my trinkets from home, the frog from Gail (thank you), and all my photos
I just had another wave of fear. They pass through me occasionally and my mind goes blank. The Bene Gesserit were right: fear is the mind killer. It's been a long time since I've felt fear like this. It's funny, I fear everything and nothing. I'm not afraid that the plane will crash or anything like that...I simply fear what I do not know. For one thing, I have no idea what I'll be doing after 2:40 p.m. on Thursday. I know I'll be on a bus to Murau for the three-day orientation, but who knows what kind of things that will entail? What kind of people will I be meeting? Will I have free time? Too much free time? Will I be so worried about everything that I won't have fun? (Will I worry that I'm going to worry about my worrying?!?!??!!?) AHHH!
**deep breath** But you don't want to hear about all this, gentle reader. Let me relax and tell you what I DO know: I arrive at Heathrow at 11:45 a.m., and I have a 2.5 hour layover. Then I leave for Vienna, where I arrive at 5:30 p.m. local time. From the airport I take public transit to the Westend City Hostel, which is near the Westbahnhof. I'll stay the night there and then meet up with the rest of the students at 2:00 p.m. at the Westbahnhof, and we'll leave from there to go to Murau. From then on I'll be in their ward, and during orientation I'll register for classes and figure out who I want to live with and where I'll be living. I think that we'll also have instruction in survival German, and learn about the culture and stuff.
I hope to have enough free time/money to take trips to nearby countries, like Germany, Italy, the Czech Republic, and who knows, maybe even Romania! (I'd like....1 MILLION lei.........ha ha ha ha) Wouldn't that be nifty? We'll see. It's all so exciting, but so SCARY!
All right, I should probably go to bed now. The next time I post will be from across the pond! Toodles!
I'm scared. Scared to death. There are so many unknowns and I don't know how to handle them all. I'm just so used to having a modicum of control, or at least being able to pretend that I do. Now as I watch all my stuff (my life, really) being packed away into those increasingly heavy suitcases, the sense of foreboding and anxiety increases. As exciting and thrilling as I know the experience will be, this phase of the journey is pretty hard. I've been close to tears all day. I listened to the Minkowski recording of "Since By Man Came Death" from the Messiah on my way to Kelsey's and I just started bawling. It was awful and, in retrospect, a bit maudlin. It's Margaret I weep for, right?
All my clothes are packed, at least the ones that survived the cut. Choosing the books was hard, since I know that they'll provide me with much-needed comfort and I wanted to bring way more than I had room for. (especially since I'm trying to leave room for stuff I'll bring back...) Even if I don't read them, nothing beats a familiar book on my shelf to let me know I'm at home. Of course I have all my DVDs, and all my music is on my iPod, and my laptop is full of fanciful diversions, but hopefully I will not coop myself up with things that are reassuring and familiar. This will be the time to take some risks.... not physical, mind you, but cultural and spiritual. I have my trinkets from home, the frog from Gail (thank you), and all my photos
I just had another wave of fear. They pass through me occasionally and my mind goes blank. The Bene Gesserit were right: fear is the mind killer. It's been a long time since I've felt fear like this. It's funny, I fear everything and nothing. I'm not afraid that the plane will crash or anything like that...I simply fear what I do not know. For one thing, I have no idea what I'll be doing after 2:40 p.m. on Thursday. I know I'll be on a bus to Murau for the three-day orientation, but who knows what kind of things that will entail? What kind of people will I be meeting? Will I have free time? Too much free time? Will I be so worried about everything that I won't have fun? (Will I worry that I'm going to worry about my worrying?!?!??!!?) AHHH!
**deep breath** But you don't want to hear about all this, gentle reader. Let me relax and tell you what I DO know: I arrive at Heathrow at 11:45 a.m., and I have a 2.5 hour layover. Then I leave for Vienna, where I arrive at 5:30 p.m. local time. From the airport I take public transit to the Westend City Hostel, which is near the Westbahnhof. I'll stay the night there and then meet up with the rest of the students at 2:00 p.m. at the Westbahnhof, and we'll leave from there to go to Murau. From then on I'll be in their ward, and during orientation I'll register for classes and figure out who I want to live with and where I'll be living. I think that we'll also have instruction in survival German, and learn about the culture and stuff.
I hope to have enough free time/money to take trips to nearby countries, like Germany, Italy, the Czech Republic, and who knows, maybe even Romania! (I'd like....1 MILLION lei.........ha ha ha ha) Wouldn't that be nifty? We'll see. It's all so exciting, but so SCARY!
All right, I should probably go to bed now. The next time I post will be from across the pond! Toodles!
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